Style
This word has a different connotation for all of us. But for right now we are going to consider style and the way we communicate online. Just as we communicate using different styles verbally in different situations, depending on who we are communicating with, it would make sense that this would carry over into our email, blogs, etc.
I am a relatively “cut to the chase” type of person. I don’t really like to wade through a lot of irrelevant information in order to locate the important nugget that I was looking for. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good story…but in certain situations I just want facts. So you can see already that my communication style is complicated.
When I am communicating via email, I tend to be very conscience of who I am emailing. I think that emails carry a tone. Unfortunately it all depends on your own experiences on how you “read” these emails. In my head something sounds fine, but when read out loud by someone else it sounds short and irritated. This is usually not what I’m going for, but because I am so direct, I can come across rude or snobby. I use a lot of words like, I was thinking, I was wondering, sorry to bother you, I have a quick question for you, just let me know when you get a chance. I have found that this smooth’s out any rough edges that may come across in an email.
When I am on the phone the other caller usually asks “are you still there?” several times. I am not very good at saying things if I really don’t have anything important to say. This trait actually works well with email because there is never an awkward silence. These are usually more friendly emails and I generally don’t have to worry so much about tone. If you know me, I am rarely upset, or mad in any way, when my emails are read by friends they can pretty much guess that, even though, it may sound abrupt, there is nothing wrong.
I have had to really come face to face with the implications that my communication style says about me as a person. As I have gotten older, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not your typical “girl”. I am not insecure nor do I feel the need for everyone to like me. This can come across as rude. The first time that I noticed this came out in simple communication was during an email. It made it clear to me that I have to be super careful about offending others that have the sensitivity trait.
You can see how personal style has so much to do with the way we communicate. In my case, I don’t do a lot of what most would call girl talk. I do not get involved in gossip, I don’t read novels, and I am not creative in any way shape or form. This comes across quite bluntly and can offend readily. My facial expressions are what have saved me from seeming rude. There is no body language in email, except for the smiley faces, so you can see that I have to use discretion when communicating via email.
I too do not have much to say on the phone. I have a few friends who live out of state and the main way we keep in touch is though phone. It is kind of humorous but about eighty percent of the talking is done by my friends and the other twenty percent is me talking. I too am not the typical girl who chatters about everything on her mind. You are so right in saying that there is never an awkward silence in an email! The nice thing about email is that one can take the time to think out what they want to say, so that it does not come across as rude or offensive. Growing up we always hear, “think before you speak” and email and other online communications allow us to do just that. Like you said though, the negative side to email is that there is no tone of voice or facial expressions that communicate meanings to our words. Much of what I say can be misinterpreted as mean without the tone in which I say it and the expression of my face. I too need to be careful of this when writing an email!
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It is a useful skill to be conscience of who you are emailing, and how you communicate with them. Because different people and different situations (like you said) call for different types of communication. For example I wouldn’t use the same words and tone to describe something in email to my teacher, as I would my best friend. People who know you and understand you on a personal level will understand your use of words and tone in emails, more so than someone you hardly know. I also try no “cut to the chase” as you put it when I am messaging someone on Facebook, email or text because I don’t want that message to consume my time more than it has to. That being said when I need to explain something in detail or give an important opinion I found myself being as thorough as possible so there is little room for interpretation. This leaves little room for conflict when conversing via text messages and email because I try to put it in terms for the other person to understand. I find that conflict over emails usually has no resolution because either you never know you offended someone because they never bring it to your attention or you have written battles which don’t usually end well, or they never end at all.
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