It's Not What You Say...It's How You Say It
What you say is often taken differently than how you intended it based on your delivery of the message alone. We all heard the cliche statement made from our parents when we were young "It's not what you say, its how you say it." Usually this statement was made during some altercation between siblings. However; it can apply to all our relationships, whether those be personal, business or just an acquaintance. Most of us would agree that we pay more attention to body language than the actual words that are spoken, which can provide many opportunities for misunderstandings, especially in gender differences.
Delivery of your message makes up half of what it is that you are trying to say in the first place. The receiving party can usually tell how the speaking party really feels about the subject in which is being discussed just based on how they behave towards it. Have you ever spoken with someone that is completely excited about a subject? It's completely contagious! The same goes for someone that is super NOT excited about a particular subject. You don't need them to flat out say..."I really don't care...whatever." Their behavior exudes the attitude and opinion they have already succumbed to.
I think gender makes our body language of high importance while in a conversation. Men and women perceive things very differently. Although I am not male, I would venture to guess that when a man is in a conversation the overriding thinking is generally "Yeah...she wants me" Men have a much more macho, I've got the information you need kind of attitude. Now please don't take this in the wrong way. I realize this is quite a generalization! The funny thing is...is women generally feel the same! We just express it differently than each other.
I think that women attempt to portray an attitude of sexy and smart at the same time. There are those that think its cute to be stupid...or act blonde. How that comes across to the male population...I really don't know...feel free to comment on that, all you men out there. How do you feel about sexy smart vs.. sexy dumb?
How about all you women? How do you feel about overconfident, macho, I can do it all men? (I fear I am having a Jerry MaGuire moment and come to regret the moment I hit post button)
Well, this blob completely went in a direction that was unintended and it sounds super sexist. I really am not...after thinking about interactions between men and women I really feel like there is usually some kind of initial "are you attracted to me or not" scenario. I also can admit that once that is figured out you are free to converse in a more relaxed way. Although, once you are relaxed, I think that is when the real barrier hits. How we perceive the opposite sex and how we come across to them.
Really I think that the variables that are involved in the many communication differences are so vast, and that is why there are and will continue to be so many books and seminars on how to communicate effectively.
You can tell someone they look nice.. and by the way you say it they can tell if you are being sarcastic or honest..or at least think they can tell.
I certainly do not think you came off as “super sexist”. I think you were using generalizations to make your point. If you did not generalize to some extent then you would have to analysis every man and women in order to find out the individual ways they use body language. Of course everyone is not the same, but there are patterns that society shows in the majority of the population, and that is a factual observation. For example, here in the Antelope Valley it was reported that we now have more Hispanics than ever before. That is simply a factual observation.
ReplyDeleteWhen someone says something it is highly important to take into consideration how one’s tone is perceived, otherwise this could lead to miscommunication, or maybe it will convey your message. For instance, as I was writing my response to your blog at work, Subway, there was a woman that was being completely unreasonable with her order. When she was about to leave I said, “Have a great day”. Now, as you could imagine I did not really mean she should have a nice day, and my sarcastic tone conveyed that very nicely. My body language probably emphasized my discontent with her as well, such as my facial expression.
I thought your blog was very funny and very true. I would like to answer your question about the macho man. I think it is so annoying when guys think they are all bad and tough. They think they are better than everyone else and are just over all cocky. They think they are sexiest thing alive and it gets so annoying. When I hear guys talking that way I just like to tune them out. If they start talking to me about their sport and how they are the best, I don’t care if it is true but it’s just so unattractive. I don’t know how men get this idea that women like it, because most of us don’t. Yeah you may be sexy and are the best, but you don’t have to tell the whole world. You should let us be the one to tell the world, let us be the judge and not you. There is nothing sexier than a guy being really good at something but doesn’t brag about it, because then we get to brag for you. Wouldn’t it be better if your girlfriend were the one bragging for you rather than yourself? So just remember guys don’t be the cocky macho man, we don’t like it at all. Just be you and let us be the one to make that judgment call.
ReplyDeleteI love the the sentence where you said "you can tell someone they look nice, and by the way you say it, they can tell whether you are being sarcastic or honest..." I can relate to this blog in so many ways and I enjoyed it to the full extent of it. I have an almost permanent sarcastic tone and whenever I'm actually pouring my heart out to people, they think I am being sarcastic. So yes, it is how you say things that will actually make a difference. Thank goodness some people actually know the way I say things so they know that there are times when I am being sarcastic and there are other times when I am actually being serious.
ReplyDeleteAs far as your question pointed toward us girls, I would like to hit that with my best shot if permitted. I feel that the only reason think they are all macho, is because we let them act that way. IT may not make sense to you now, but let me lay it out in a more understandable way. Some women like macho men, men that know how to do it all. Women are fascinated by these men and they enjoy being with men like these. But there are the women that are independent and the whole macho men idea is idiotic. Personally though, I like a guy that is confident of himself, a guy that knows what he is capable of, and will not put himself down. A confident guy is fine with me, but when he crosses the line into more of a cocky, macho man, than that's just unacceptable because, then they underestimate the intelligence of us women, they believe that women are only good for one thing and one thing only and that is to make babies, cook, clean. With that being said there are tolerable confident guys and intolerable ones.
Your blog this week is funny. It did go a little off somewhere I do not know where yet.
ReplyDeleteI think we can all agree here often, “It’s not what was said but how it was said.” I think women tend to catch certain emotions and are the first to jump to their defensives when conversation begins to sound offensive holds no merit or just might not sound right. Men are not as quickly to catch this unless they are conversing with another male. Just as you stated here the differences between sexes with nonverbal communication and body language, “I think gender makes our body language of high importance while in a conversation. Men and women perceive things very differently.” Body language is very important in the process of communication though I would have to disagree with your next statements that followed
Although I am not male, I would venture to guess that when a man is in a conversation the overriding thinking is generally "Yeah...she wants me" Men have a much more macho, I've got the information you need kind of attitude. Now please don't take this in the wrong way. I realize this is quite a generalization! The funny thing is...is women generally feel the same! We just express it differently than each other.
I think this may be true to some extent on the immature male of 12-16 years old; however I have a hard time with this generalization of male responses towards communication with women in general. I believe that because women are detailed orientated and it is because of this that often the male attitude may be, “Okay enough details give me the just of it..” I say this because many of my female friends range from the ages 15-65 years of age. Most often the conversation that transpires amongst us is the communication between women and men. The most obvious problems between men and women is the lack of details, listening, and how we say things and it is said. You stated
I think that women attempt to portray an attitude of sexy and smart at the same time. There are those that think its cute to be stupid...or act blonde. How that comes across to the male population...I really don't know...feel free to comment on that, all you men out there. How do you feel about sexy smart vs.. sexy dumb?
I think this is just a stereotype, even though we may honestly know some few people that think its “cute to be stupid…or act blonde” Really?? There is truly not that many that consider it a novel idea. As well I believe both sexes attempt mostly to come of being smart but unless you are Kim Kardashian or a celebrity I honestly believe that the majority of people do not intently try or worry to come off sexy.
I think you had funny blog and like you said, “I fear I am having a Jerry MaGuire moment and come to regret the moment I hit post button.” I fear you might have opened the door. Your blog was however insightful.
It is true that it’s not what you say but how you say it. Words can be misinterpreted with certain emotions. I had a situation with my step mom once where I texted her explaining that what she wrote didn’t make sense. Because it is a text those words can be interpreted differently depending on the person. She took it as me being sarcastic and a know-it-all which took me by surprise since that’s definitely not what I was trying to come off as. Now, if I told her the exact same words in person she most likely wouldn’t have interpreted me as sarcastic or a know-it-all. Words are very powerful especially how you deliver them. I liked how you put humor and personality in your blog. It kept me interested the whole time.
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