Sticks and Stones
Remember when you were little and your parent told you that words can’t hurt you? I think that was the first time I ever doubted my parents. I remember when I was teased for the first time. It not only scarred me emotionally it created an insecurity that lasted a long time. When somebody says something to you that makes a connection to something that carries a negative connotation in your own mind it can be hurtful.
The truth is, without previous knowledge, some things don’t pack the same punch as they do when combined with a sack full of previous insults and negativity. When you describe someone using their physical attributes only, you generally leave out adjectives like fat; wrinkly, old, ugly, black, brown, scrawny, etc. (I could go on). Every one of my children when they were between the age of 2 ½ and 4, each one of them used at least one of these words to describe someone. Unfortunately, we were usually in a public place and they were not using their “inside voice”. I was devastated and in some cases I pretended not to know who that loud child belonged to. Other times I picked up my child and ran around the isle before the intended target could process what had just happened.
It was only after I had a talk with the offending child and explained how it made people feel when fat or black is used as a defining term for who they are. You see my children were correct. The person was black, ugly, wrinkly (in one case, extremely wrinkly) or whatever. The problem was not that it was a dishonest or mean attack against the person. The problem was that along with the particular word came a negative connotation. Not until they learned that these terms can be deemed as hateful did they fully understand the concept.
Until the stereotype is understood, one may go a lifetime without being aware of the unkindness’s that surround them on a daily basis. There are people that are so sheltered from different scenarios that they cannot fully appreciate the impact they can have. The word itself is not what is painful. It is the implication that is placed onto the person involved.
Being black is not hurtful. It is the pain and degradation that they have endured through the years. When a white person labels someone as black, due to the year’s whites fought to keep them inferior, it can come across as hateful words.
It is important that we are all sensitive to those around us. We all have stereotypes that we wish to avoid. When these stereotypes are so carelessly placed on our shoulders to wear proudly by those around us, whether it is intentional or not, human nature would throw us into the natural “fight or flight” reaction.
The truth is that stick and stones do hurt. But so do words. At this moment I want you to think of a time that someone said something awful to you. Were you able to dodge it like you could a stick? Names and unkind words can stick with you for years, leaving an imprint on you that are extremely difficult to escape.
I think most people who have kids will experience or have experienced them being loud in a way that is rude or you may be afraid someone will get offended. My daughter did the same thing and I just had to explain to her why it was not o.k. I was taught the proverb of "sticks and stones", but as a child words do hurt. Words hurt as an adult to, but I can get over things pretty quickly or I just don't acknowledge them. Some people can't. I had been called many names when I was a child, racial, sexist, or just plain mean. I get called them today to, but I learned to not make it rule my life. As a kid I know it hurt. I didn't understand why we all had tobe different and see the difference so much. I was a tomboy also, so I got a lot of names from the girly girls. It does leave an imprint on you for the rest of your life, but I think it depends what kind if imprint you want it to leave. Everyone can take things differntly and will take things differently. Some people have more patience than others, some people have shorter fuses than others, and some people are hurt easier than others.
ReplyDeleteTo: Marie
ReplyDeleteI actually do not remember when I was a child, being told that “ sticks and stone could hurt your bones, but words would never hurt me”. I guess my parents just assumed I should know this and they basically thought it was common sense so if I didn’t think this statement was true then I was lacking common sense all at once. They are people that think its ok to make fun of someone because their words wouldn’t effect them. They wanted everyone around them to assume that they were kidding. My parents weren’t the only ones that used words thinking they weren’t hurtful, some people also included “friends” and classmates. Some knew what they were doing and others just thought it would be entertaining to attack another person without consequence because they were just words.
I would actually prefer sticks and stones than hurtful words any fays. My wounds would eventually heal, but to be emotionally scarred is a bit worse, in my opinion. Its true that young children use these words without any shame, because they simply don’t know what this means, but it would be very beneficial to tell these kids that it isn’t right. I would be afraid to explain to my children(if I had any) that these words are bad and they’re hurtful to people because this would open up a whole other problem assuming they would use them when they thought it was necessary. I don’t see why its necessary to use these hurtful words in this world. I believe all of us have fallen victims to these kinds of acts, but we have also fallen under the title of a bully also, whether it be jokingly or not.
I completely agree with you, hate words are hurtful and can cause long lasting insecurity. I have also learned this the hard way. When people say that words don’t hurt I don’t believe it because I have lived this first hand as well as many other people. People need to realize that words are harmful and could cause more of a damage than just punches. Getting hit could leave you a scar which could take weeks to heal, but being disrespected verbally will stick to you your whole life. Hate words only leave room to discriminate and arguments to develop. This causes an individual to not accept themselves as they are and to carry on insecurities for the rest of their life. It is good that you taught your kids right from wrong at a young age because that is something necessary to do. If not, kids could grow up thinking that it is normal to be rude and keep doing it being completely unaware of what is going on around them. This could actually hurt the victim even more. For someone to speak out about something and be hurtful, and to not notice how hurt another person can be, can cause the victim even more of a insecurity.
ReplyDeleteI always heard the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me.” I lived with this saying for a long time. I think my parents told me this to protect me. They knew, we all knew that words can hurt, but it’s just a way to protect ourselves. When you were talking about your child yelling at mean comments to people in stores, I pictured this little kid doing it to me. The funny part is that I always wondered what the parents think of their child saying something like that. Now I have my answer, thank you for telling them the right thing too.
ReplyDeleteYou asked a question if there was something said awful to me that I couldn’t forget? I was in 7th grade and my teeth were not straight at the time, they were awful to be exact. There was this “popular kid” in my class that called me triangle teeth. When he said that I felt humiliated and ugly all at the same time, I had no idea how to react. From that moment on I didn’t even want to smile. I got braces a few months later thank goodness, but it is so true that words do hurt!